


Chains of Earth

by Charred_Ground, sumire (sometimesafangirl)



Series: Here and After [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guns of Gamara AU, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Childhood Friends, Earth is gone, Fluff and Angst, Galra Keith (Voltron), M/M, No matter how bad it gets we believe in happy endings, Ratings Will Change Based on Age of Characters, Top Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charred_Ground/pseuds/Charred_Ground, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sometimesafangirl/pseuds/sumire
Summary: Centuries ago, Earth was destroyed by the Alteans. Survivors were rounded up under the guise of magnanimity and settled in a Space Refugee Colony (SRC). The Altean Colonization Front(ACF) promises a good and peaceful life to all species who follow their guidelines. This is the story of a group of brave men and women who defied the life handed to them and sought to make their mark. This is Part 2 of the Here and After Series: The Teen/Young Adult Arc
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: Here and After [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797250
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We tried to make this part a separate set of stories. Yes, they're directly connected to part 1, but it is not necessary to read part 1 to understand anything in part 2.
> 
> Find art for this story here:  
> [Frozen Dreams](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4a9765ac15201f727d7f6b6c8c93c222/a3c69e3c3e88f7ac-e3/s2048x3072/30ca902f1171aef4abee7d941886f96c6697ce7d.png)  
> Art by:[Allexche](https://twitter.com/allexche11?lang=en)

**The Present**  
**Lance**

“Hold him down, Hunk.”

I thrash against the large, warm hands pressing into my shoulders. I try to bring my arms up even as another hand grabs one to hold it down. Straps come over my wrist. One. Then the other. Cold metal and rough leather digging into my skin. Another band cinches across my upper arm, tight and in any other time, painful. Now I feel no pain. Just rage and so much hate. 

“I know man. I know. Just look at me okay, Lance?” Hunk sounds so far away, but he looks down at me, inches from my face, brow creased with lines of concern. An expression so common nowadays I can’t remember what his smile looked like. I don’t blame him. I blame myself. It’s me. I’m the one causing him to worry. 

The fight starts to drain out of me, and I only try to droop my shoulders away from his hands as if he would actually let me go. He doesn’t. He knows better. Every other time he lets me go, I would thrash about again. So this time, he holds me through the injection. There is the familiar pressure then release of the tourniquet. The cramping of my muscles straining against something that’s no longer there. 

“What happened out there?” Shiro’s voice. Concerned, calm. Not like the first few times. Now he sounds...resigned. I admit, as the medicine works its magic through my veins, and my mind soothes, I share the sentiment.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. It was worse. He just...And there were so many of them...He got in the fighter and just dove at them. Like he was trying to…” Hunk’s voice trails off. He doesn’t want to say what he knows I was trying to do. He’s heartbroken over it, over the way I am. I’m the one who makes him feel this way.

Shiro sighs. I’m a disappointment, as usual. 

My muscles contract and relax under the influence of the sedative. I feel Hunk’s hands lift from my shoulders. I feel Colleen’s fingers testing and cleaning my wounds. I feel. I hate feeling. I don’t want to feel. At least when the rage takes over, that’s all I become. Now, in the moments between the injection and the full power of the medicine, I feel it all. Hate, pain, sadness, self-loathing, resignation. 

My eyes grow heavy. I must have let out some sort of sound, because Hunk rests his hand on my head. “It’s okay. Just sleep.”

It’s never okay. Sleep is never okay.

Sleep is when I see him. 

When Keith is there. When his head lays on my lap and he looks up at me with this most adorable expression. I don’t want to see it, but I can’t shut it out anymore.

\---

**The Colony  
Lance - ** **Age 17**

“Your mom can cook anything she wants,” Keith says, looking up at me as my hand rests on his head, curling my fingers into his hair. This positioning, his head on my lap, my hand in his hair, is second nature to us. We’re so comfortable together, in my room, we don’t even think about the awkwardness of how close we are. We laugh in private about other couples being anxious or unable to speak around each other. We’ve never had that problem. We’ve always been us. Lance and Keith. Keith and Lance. 

Ever since the day his father introduced him to me, and all I saw were those big purple eyes staring out from behind a pair of legs, we’ve been us. 

Growing up on an Altean controlled refugee camp isn’t easy, but we manage. We survive. We thrive. We keep our secrets, and I’m part of a select group of people who keep Keith safe. 

“Yes,” I say, watching his face, “but she asked me to ask you because she likes making you smile.” Keith doesn’t smile much anymore. Not like he used to. Not since his pops died on The Rail. But for some reason my mom’s cooking can make him do that, so I take advantage of it when I can.

“What’s the name of that one orange pepper dish with the stingy stuff…?” His brows furrow, and I open my mouth to answer before he lifts a hand and stops me. “No, wait! The picadillo stuffed peppers!”

I laugh. This is Keith. This is what I love about him. Adorable despite his moods, despite all he’s been through and all he keeps going through. My adorable boyfriend. “All right, I’ll tell her. You have to let me up first, though.”

“Nope.” Somehow he manages to roll around onto his stomach. His arms curl around my waist, and he holds me there. I can’t even comprehend how he moves his body the way he does. He’s so flexible, but if he wants to be heavy, he can be. He’s doing it now, deadweight pressed against my legs and stomach, keeping me from moving. I can lift him, of course, but I don’t. I never do.

I laugh again, letting my fingers run through his hair once more. “All right. I guess I can just let her wait.” He presses his face into my stomach and nuzzles like the cat that he is, so I lean back against the headboard and let him. “Keith…” Another nuzzle, this one more intent, so I smile. “You know...I watched you train today.”

“You always watch me train.” Keith slides up and rests his chin on my chest, looking up at me with those large, intoxicating eyes. Small galaxies swirl and reflect the dimming light of the artificial sun as it filters through my window. 

“I mean, yeah. And I always will.” I smile. “But I mean...I really watched you today. Sometimes I can’t really pay full attention.” Because I’m getting yelled at. I leave that half of the sentence unspoken, but Keith knows. He’s seen it. Today though, for once, none of the teachers scolded me for whatever I did or didn’t do.

“Oh? Aaaaand?”

And you were amazing, I want to tell him. I want to praise his agility and skill. I want to let him know just how much I enjoy seeing him show everyone else up. At seventeen he’s so small, but he’s also so much better than every other cadet in the academy. Better than the teachers. But if I start praising him, he gets weird, like he can’t take a compliment from me, at least not when it comes to his skills. He can take compliments about his looks, though, so… “You have a really nice butt.” I smirk at him. This should cause him to perk a little and try to hide his face, or push me slightly and say something about how I’m a pervert for staring at him. They’re such Keith things to do and say, so I like those reactions. Also, it’s true. He does have a nice butt. This time, though, he rolls his eyes at me and calls me an idiot. However, his cheeks grow a faint shade pink through the illusion of his watch, and I smirk more. “But you like me.” I retort, and this time he pushes me a little.

“And that makes me a bigger idiot.” Despite the blushing, he gives me that wry smile he seems to save only for teasing me. “And...ignorance is bliss.”

“Are you subtly insulting me?” My brows lift as though to prove a point. 

“Subtly?” 

“Oh, so it’s blatant?” More lift. If they went any higher, they’d probably be in my hair. 

“I’m only teasing. You know I think the world of you.” Keith can never handle the eyebrow lift. He always caves and tries to make me feel better.

“Do you?” I let my eyebrows go back to normal, and I smile at him. “Do you know I love you?”

“Hm.” He hums as he scoots up my body and presses his face into my neck. He found a perfect spot in the crook of my collar bone. A point where his lips brush my skin as he talks and his eyelashes dance against the fine hairs below my jaw. He’s become the master of discovering little ways to kill me. This time he added a coup de grâce. A breathy soft whisper, “You may have let on a time or two.”

Jolts of pleasure lash down my spine as his hot breath joins the kiss of his lips, and I know how I am going to die. Right here. In his arms. A heart attack, and I don’t care. 

“Well, I love you.” I say without my voice cracking into a squeak of broken glass. 

“I know.” He settled back into me, the picture of perfect comfort. My arms curl around him, and I keep him against my chest, eyes closed. I want this to be my forever. This peace. This tranquil little place of happiness that only exists in our arms. I know he feels it too. For all his restlessness and unsettled anxiety, I know he and I are the same.

My fingers trace over the outline of his lips. A habit I developed to fill in those comfortable moments of silence that fall between two people who know each other to the point where words don’t matter. 

“Do you know what else?” I talk anyway. 

“Hmm?” I can hear the purr in his voice, and for a moment I miss his lilac skin. Through the illusion I know each point of him. Where his ears poke out from his hair, each stripe over his cheeks and down his neck, the gentle thump of his tail curled behind me on the bed. When I close my eyes I can see it. He’s beautiful. My Kitten. The last Galra. Then I open them only to hate that stupid watch of his a little more each time. 

Maybe hate is a strong word. I’d be jealous of anyone else who knew of his secret. The Galra side that is mine to protect, but now he seems to hide it from everyone, including me. Since his first growth spurt, I’ve barely caught a glance of him, and it kills me inside. I know not to pressure him. My mom says growing up is hard enough. It must be harder on someone who has no one to go to for questions. Keith’s surrounded by people who love him. My family. The Holts. Our friends. Shiro. But at times he looks so lonely it tears my heart out. I want to give him everything.

“My mom heard you.” I smirk, pressing my lips into his hair. “I can smell the peppers cooking already.” Keith’s brows hitch up, wrinkling his forehead. He hates when I notice those things before him. He secretly prides himself on his heightened senses, but I know my mom’s cooking.

“Well that’s a bit disturbing.” Ever the soft spoken one, he never realizes how much weight his voice carries. “How much do you think she hears down there?” 

“Well,” I nod my head towards the door, not willing to stop stroking his cheeks or hair. The scent of peppers and spices wafts into the room, slowly tempting both of us. I feel him perk against me, but then he settles down. He can still hear the clink of pans and the sizzle of oil. I don’t answer his question. Frankly, I don’t want to know.

“Do you think she’ll ever let us close the door when I’m over?” He rolls from my lap onto his back eyes closed. I pout when the warmth of his body leaves mine, but he looks so peaceful. 

“Probably not.” I watch his lips twitch into a half smile before his face settles again.

“She’s always trying to protect my virtue.” He opened one eye to regard me with an uncalled for level of scrutiny. He really does think I’m a pervert doesn’t he? I’m trying so hard to be good! It’s difficult, but I behave!

“Hey!” I lean over him and give him a quick kiss. “I’d do anything to protect you.” I keep my voice soft, watching him shiver as my breath blows against his lips. 

“You?” He whispers back. “Protect my virtue?” 

“Oh? Is that it?” I pout. My pout is my strongest offense against his sarcasm, but he’s starting to catch on. Of course he is. I knew it would only be effective for so long. His lips curl into a slow, sultry smirk. The kind of smirk that would make my knees weak if I were standing.

“I could break you.” So much for virtue and innocence.

I look at him and the pout falters. “Do you want to…? Is there something you should be telling me?” Is there something I didn’t pick up on? 

“Well, after all this time, I’d hope you’d still want me.” Keith’s smile starts to fade. That moment of flirtation seems so fragile. Insecurity breaks through like it’s made of wet paper. He starts to fold in on himself. 

But I like when he flirts with me. It’s becoming rarer and rarer. It’s bad enough he doesn’t show me himself unless I initiate it...and even then he still shrinks away from me most times, but now he’s losing his flirtation? “I meant about you wanting to break me.” I have to get it back, so I gently tap his cheek. “Of course I still want you. I love you.” I don’t mind reassuring him. His happiness is mine, and if reminding him how I feel makes him feel that way, then it’s the easiest thing I can do.

“You...do?” His smile is back, though this time it’s shyer, a little unsure. That’s okay. It’s still a beautiful smile. Our intimacy lives in a state of hot and cold. I respect his boundaries. I respect him. He can be confusing and unsure. He lays out the welcome mat, and in a second he can rip it out from under me. I’ve learned how to land on my feet. I smile and kiss his forehead. I reassure him that when he’s ready I will be too. He knows he’s being unfair and maybe he is. But there will be no point to going further if either one of us feels obligated. I stopped taking it personally a while ago. I know it’s not about me. Besides, he lets me get away with almost anything as long as it’s above the clothes.

“Of course I do. I don’t want to live my life with anyone but you.” I smile and settle back again, and he moves with me, on my lap now, straddling my waist. Doesn’t he know what this does to me? Doesn’t he know that when he rolls his lips in his teeth like that, there’s no way I can feel anything other than want, need, desire?

“Yeah?” The sultry look is back, and we’re hot again. Though now I’m not sure if he’s doing it intentionally, but heat grows in my face. This is so much better.

“Y-yeah.” I stammer, like an idiot. 

“I’ve been thinking,” He says as his tail slides down my leg. I swear that damned appendage has a mind of its own! 

“You have?” I rest my hands on his legs, rubbing my thumbs over his thighs. “About?” 

“Do...you want to come over this weekend? To my place?” His tone changes now. It’s soft and low. A secret he doesn’t want my mom to hear. He wants me. Alone. Without being forced to keep the door open so an adult can supervise. Which means-

“All weekend?” My head is nodding faster than the words are leaving my mouth. The heat in my cheeks starts to sink lower, down my neck, through my chest. It pools in my stomach threatening to go lower if Keith moves. 

“Y-yeah.” His voice wavers. I know he’s blushing, and I hate that stupid watch all the more. I’m only given a tease of the pink under his fake skin. I’m greedy and I want to see more of it. Knowing it’s there makes not seeing it worse. Though he can never hide his eyes from me. Endless alexandrite eyes look at me in a way they rarely do. Dark pools swirl through the cosmos. Deep. Fathomless. Breathtaking. When he looks at me like that, I get so lost in him, in his heat and passion. That’s the other thing the hologram can’t hide from me. Keith radiates warmth like a fire, and right now he burns like a flare of the sun.

“Do you want to?” He asks, drawing his hand over my chest.

“Yes!” My voice pitches up and I clear it, forcing it to go lower. “Yes I do.” His eyes light up, and there’s a promise within. He doesn’t have to speak it. We’ve been dating for four years. I know what he means. This isn’t a hot and cold moment. He means it. After all this time.

I hold his hand still against my chest and bring it up to my lips to kiss it. I won’t take this for granted. He’s thought about this probably more than I have. I’d never pretend to know what growing up is like for him. The constant hiding. The fear of being who you are. The knowledge of one slip up and he could be taken away. I fear living without him and he fears just … living. 

“Good.” Keith smiles studying my face, cupping my cheek in his hand. This weekend. Him. Me. Together. He shifts and grinds his hips into me, and I let out a soft yelp. Goddamnit!

“Keith.” My face flares up. “Keith… you’re-” Another bit of friction threatens to make my brain explode.

“What am I?” That little shit is enjoying it now. I’m starting to rethink my whole opinion of him and my approach to his ‘virtue’.

“You’re rubbing it.” He had to make me say it. Like a cat with a mouse… when he has me under his power he can never resist playing with me. 

“Rubbing it?” There’s an innocent tilt of his head, and his eyes widen. I find it hard to believe he doesn’t know, but he jumps up, and I instantly miss his warmth. “I’m sorry! I… wasn’t thinking.”

That makes two of us. I think to myself as I try to regain control of my body. I want to believe he’s naive, but I have a hard time convincing myself of it when his eyes glint as they are now. “I need a few minutes.” I choke out, strangled. I exaggerate my tone, and I’m rewarded with a smirk.

“I told you I could break you.” 

“Un..fair…” 

“I’ll make it up to you.” Keith touches my cheek, his eyes flickering to the pout I make sure is on my lips again, but then he pushes some of my hair out of my eyes. I guess it is getting long. He seems to like it. He’s always playing with it, stroking it, twisting it in his fingers. All of the things I love doing with his hair. So I let it grow it a little more than I otherwise would like. 

“Will you?” That is what he meant with the implication for the weekend, right? He’ll make it up to me. We’ll be alone all weekend. Just us. Kissing, touching, doing...everything. I need to cool my head. I need to keep my body calm, or I’m going to flip him over, open door be damned. So I smile at him, well I smile as best I can while also trying to pout and drive the point home. Is it actually possible to smile and pout at the same time? Maybe I look distorted. He gives me an odd look for a moment, like he can’t believe he’s stuck with an idiot like me, but he returns the smile.

“Yeah, this weekend.” He confirms as he kisses my forehead, but then his voice gets quieter. “N-no watch.” He taps it as if I wouldn’t be sure what he means. Like I would ever misinterpret that.

“Yeah?” I can feel the heat spreading through me again, but this time it pools in my groin. My pants tighten, and there’s definitely something in my expression that causes Keith to stare at me. Either that or he catches the excitement in my voice. It’s not like he can feel the excitement in my body, since he’s no longer straddling me. Thank goodness for that. I’m not sure either of us could handle it right now.

“Yeah. I mean you know how I feel about it.” He trails off for a second, eyes moving to the side, before he continues and looks back at me once more. “But you’ve been great. So...for our first time, I want to be...completely me.” He’s hesitating, but also pushing himself to say it. His brows furrow slightly, then go back to normal, as though he’s more confident about it than he is. He must be so anxious about it.

“You are so good to me.” I lean up and kiss him. Something quick and chaste. I don’t want to scare him now. I want to calm his nerves. I want to calm my nerves.

“You deserve the best.”

I lift my hand to his cheek, my fingers moving a little against his hot skin. If the kiss didn’t work, at least this seems to calm him. “I want to...be a good boyfriend to you. You know that, right?” His head tilts into my hand, he noses into my palm. I can’t believe he still wonders why I call him a kitten. 

“You are a good boyfriend.” Keith replies as he always does. He would never say otherwise. Even if I feel like I’m not good enough for him. Especially if I feel that way. He hates it. He hates when I make a comment about not being worth it, or not being good enough. Those kinds of statements are the only ones that annoy Keith. Actually annoy him, not the play annoy he sometimes does when he pushes me lightly. Those kinds of statements don’t get a laugh after. I try not to make them often, even if it’s a constant in the back of my head.

“No matter what.” He chuckles at my insecurities. The tone of even the smallest syllable of a laugh eases me. This time, he doesn’t take it as my being self-depreciating. Or maybe he does, and he’s just given up on arguing with me. He never knows why I question myself, even though I always do.

“Yes.” His lips are so warm as they move against my fingertips. 

“I want you to be in my life forever.” He stops at that. I can almost picture his long ears twitching toward me.

“Where else would I be?” Oh Keith, you could be anywhere else. With anyone else doing anything else… So strong, smart, and with a trail of suitors who would love to have that reflexive mind and skill on their side. But he’s here. With me. Looking at me like I’m his world. I so desperately never want to let him down. I want to be his stability. His home. The one person he will always have.

“I don’t know.” I lie with a thin smile and he returns it, forcing mine to broaden as I see the tiny shadow of fangs in his mouth. I pull him in and kiss him again until he purrs into it, molding his body against mine as I kiss him again, whispering his name between them.

“Mm?” He barely replies.

“After dinner. I have something I want to ask you.” I say. He pauses, again I imagine two ears I can’t see pitching forward, and I’m endeared by him.

“Oh?” Thick brows knit together.

“About our future. But not right now.” I knew his next question. Keith was impatient. He’d mull over my words trying to figure me out, and it would drive him crazy. He would think I’m being a tease, but it’s not that. I would never. Not about something serious.

“Then, I’m suddenly starving. We should go eat.” Keith kept his expression calm, but the glint in his eyes was anything but. He’d wrestle me down to the floor right now and torture me for answers if he could. I can see it playing out on his face. I tap his nose, breaking the glint.

“Then we should eat.”

“Okay!” Keith practically launches himself off me.

Why does he have to be so eager and cute? I’m going to break. He’s totally right. He can break me whenever he wants and I’m here for it. One hundred percent all in. 

I focus on standing, slowly, adjusting my clothing so mom doesn’t assume something happened that we’re not supposed to let happen with the door open. When I’m done, I grab Keith’s hand in my own and look at him. He’s still bouncing, and he practically pulls me out of the room and into the kitchen

“Maria! Do you need any help?”

“No, Dear.” She says with the affection she always shows him. Like Keith is just another one of her children. She never does or says anything to make him feel otherwise. And one day, it will be more official. He just has to say yes when I ask.

I know his tail is swishing around, though Keith always tries to control it. I let go of Keith’s hand to go to the stove, looking at the peppers my mom made for us, my lips twitching a little as I grab the mitts. Keith asks every time, and every time my mom is already done with everything before we can even help. Well, everything but this. I grab the pan and bring it to the table. 

But Keith somehow still finds something to do, pouring everyone’s drinks as I get the pan set in the middle for everyone. He bounces a bit with each step to a new chair before he finally sits in his, next to mine, and smiles. As I sit, he wraps his tail around my waist, so I scoot my chair a little closer. This is how it should be. Smiles. Happiness. The slight excitement lacing everyone’s voice as they come in one by one and greet us. The fond look in my dad’s eyes as he looks at the whole family. All of us, including Keith.

This is how it’s supposed to be.

This is why I hate the needles that bring sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find art for this story here:  
> [Frozen Dreams](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4a9765ac15201f727d7f6b6c8c93c222/a3c69e3c3e88f7ac-e3/s2048x3072/30ca902f1171aef4abee7d941886f96c6697ce7d.png)  
> Art by:[Allexche](https://twitter.com/allexche11?lang=en)

The Present  
Lance

“Lance, you can’t just keep doing this.” Hunk stands in front of me with both of his hands pressing against my cheeks. His hands feel like ice, and I feel my neck crunching up as though I could pull away from the chill. I look up at him, my eyes narrow, but his are wide, brimming with tears. He looks so hurt, but so angry with me at the same time, brows knit in the center, lips trembling and a little red from biting them earlier. I want to push him away. I want to lash out and scream. But this is Hunk. My best friend. I would never do anything to him. I would never hurt him. I clench my fists so tightly in my lap that my nails cut into my palm. I can control myself this much at least. If I hurt myself, I won’t hurt him. The pain isn’t enough to snap me out of it completely, though. It never is.

“Again?” Shiro sighs when Hunk helps me off the ship. I say nothing. Hunk says nothing. We all know what happened out there. Shiro knows, too. He knew before the door even opened. “Lance…” Shiro is always so disappointed whenever we come back from a mission. It’s like he regrets bringing me with him. He regrets keeping me, but he can’t push me on to anyone else. I don’t think he really feels that way, but he should. They all should. 

I snarl and turn my head away from him. Unlike last time, I am in control of my body. I’m not thrashing against Hunk. I’m not growling, my hands aren’t reaching for anyone and anything. I don’t need to be strapped down. I just want to go back out there and fight more. Fight all of them. Kill all of them. 

Colleen sighs and rests a cool hand against my forehead. Cool, just like Hunk’s. Icy. Trying to snap me back to normal. “Can you calm down on your own?” She knows I can’t. I’ve never been able to. She asks anyway. She keeps hoping I will learn to control it. She keeps hoping that one day, I’ll be myself again. She keeps trying. They all keep trying. They shouldn’t. It will be so much easier for them if they all stop caring, but that doesn’t ever happen. They care too much, and this time, the mixture isn’t as strong. But even so, this time, the fog comes almost immediately. I snarl again as though it will keep me conscious, but somewhere in the back of my head is that voice. That sweet, calm voice that sings some song no one knows anymore. No one but me.

\---

The Colony  
Lance - Age 17

“I think Nadia finally fell asleep.” Keith whispers before he keeps humming. He’s holding my niece in his arms, rocking her gently as I open the door to my parents’ bedroom. 

I stand there watching him. Once more I am in awe of Keith. He is the perfect combination of lethal and gentle. In training he’s merciless. Fierce. Deadly. No soldier alive would ever want to be on the opposing end of his blade. But here. In my house. He’d never harm a single hair on anyone’s head. 

I wrap my arms around him from behind, I nuzzle into his hair as I hum the tune he’s singing. “I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

“Hmm?” He whispers, swaying back with me, and I smile as an invisible tendril wraps around my midsection. 

“What is that?”

“What’s what?”

“That song you sing.” I nose my way up to his ear. Not the mirage, but up to where I can feel velvet against my cheek and watch him shiver. So many precious weaknesses. But I’m always a gentleman. Mom raised me right. “I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“A song.” He answers with a vague smirk, and I glare. 

“You don’t say.” Keith chuckles at my obvious annoyance.

“I don’t know what else it is. I’ve always had it in my head. Pops said my mother sang it to me as often as she could.”

‘My Mother’. Whenever Keith speaks of his mom he has a reverence in his tone. Like how one might speak of a benevolent saint or spirit. If you believe in those kinds of things. I’m not one to ever throw away possibilities. 

“I’ll teach it to you sometime.” He offers.

“That’d be great. It's like a rugrat sleeping spell.” I settle my chin on his shoulder.

“Don’t go adding ‘wizard’ on to my list of screwed up Keith things.” 

“Space Wizard sounds pretty damn cool to me.” I say.

“Tater Tots sound pretty damn cool to you.” 

“Well they are.” He laughs again, and I press in close as he lays my niece down in the crib. 

I only want to be close to him. To talk to him. Make him laugh. Make him smile. Make him happy. I want to have this conversation with him. I want to talk about our ‘plans’ but impromptu babysitting gets in the way of anything important every time. I sigh once Keith tucks Nadia in next to Sylvio. Two sweet little kids. Barely old enough to do anything on their own. Yet somehow, because of them, I’ve gained more tonight than I thought I would. 

Sylvio’s eyes open, and he looks up at Keith, who scoops him up and starts to rock him back to sleep again. Keith’s so good with the kids, and he never minds spending an entire night with them while the rest of my family goes out to do...something important. I should listen better when they talk that quickly, but each time it happens, all I do is stare at Keith, who nods and smiles and never seems to mind when we get stuck babysitting for an entire night. Keith, who laughs and plays with the kids, who reads them stories, who sings them sweet Galra lullabies to get them to sleep. Keith, who sets Sylvio down again and turns to look at me with the softest smile.

It tugs at every fiber of my being when he looks at me like that. Soft little pulls on my very essence, drawing me to him, confirming what I always thought about him. Keith is everything. He is my past, my present, and my future. He is the sun that makes the stars shine, and the moon that guides me through sleepless nights. He grounds me and keeps me focused, but he also lifts me and pushes me to reach for the sky. And I can only stare at him.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” 

“Huh?” I shake my head and look around me. Keith is slipping my old jacket around his shoulders (something he stole a few months ago, and I don’t care if I ever get it back). He doesn’t give me time to say anything, though. He wasn’t even really asking a question. I couldn’t answer, even if I had time. His lips press against mine as soon as I part them, but then his body is already out the door. Gone. My mouth moves against the empty air, but there’s no one to hear the ghost of whisper that passes my lips. “Yes…”

I sit on the chair next to my parents’ bed and silently curse my brother. I really need a night alone with Keith. I really need him. Damn my brother and whatever business came up this time, and whatever else the family had to do. Damn him, but at the same time, I’m thankful he gave me this time with Keith and the kids. Thankful we got to be a little family like this. Thankful Keith relaxed just a bit more than he usually does after long days at school and sparring with other cadets he could destroy in a second, but doesn’t. We have a lot of those, now. Long days, where teachers tell me I drag him down. Where teachers try to distance him from me so they can put him up on a pedestal he doesn’t want. So any rest Keith can get, any moment of normalcy and happiness is enough for me. Anything that lets me hear the sweet melody of his voice. Anything that causes him to smile.

I sleep with these warm thoughts in my mind. Keith always looks so vibrant when he’s laughing. His smile lights up the room. Each and every day I fall more and more in love with him. And so when I think I’m about to see him in class the following morning, my smile hurts my cheeks. He is the one. 

*****

“Ugh. Get that grin off your face. Some of us are trying to keep our breakfasts down.” Pidge snarks with an eye roll wide enough to follow the rim of her glasses. 

“Aw, come on Pidge. Don’t be so jealous! Someday you’ll find someone…” I purse my lips to the side. I can't picture her with someone now that the words have left my mouth. Pidge and people didn’t mix. She had her select group of ‘worthy people’ she hung around. I had been graced with the honor in 5th grade after getting her tool kit back from Richard Marron, the class bully. I wondered, briefly, what had happened to that guy. I last saw him a year later having a chat with Wilhelm. 

“Or something.” I amend my comment. “And you will wake up happy and behold all the wonders of the universe.”

“Yeah. I do that already. It’s called science.” 

“Tsk tsk! Lil’pidge. I’m talking about romance! Love! The greatest force known to all mankind!”

“Gravity. Science.” 

“You’re hopeless. You know that?”

“Realistic.”

“Someday Pidge. Someday you’ll come to me and be filled with a light you’ve never thought you could possess! And it will make you feel like you can float on air-” 

“Right. But never before the first period.” Pidge grumbles and stabs her finger into my chest. “Where is he any way? Your lil’ light beam.” 

“I dunno. He had to leave last night after putting the kids to bed, and I haven’t seen him since.” 

“Training?” Hunk asks.

“Nah, checked there already.”

“Shiro?”

“No. Shiro was prepping for class.” 

“He’s probably having an in depth conversation with Captain Wilhelm about the future of his career and how he should advance himself in the academy. While Keith is just shaking his head and looking pretty damn done with the conversation as a whole.” Pidge adjusts her glasses.. I always tell her those things were too big for her face.

“That’s oddly specific.” My eyebrow arches up to my hairline and the little gremlin just points, and my sight follows.

There he was. The hologrammed image of my universe. The force that drives my being. Gravity huh? Pidge might not be off on that. Everything started and stopped with him. Everything about me swirled around him in this perfect harmony. Though something was wrong. 

He held his cheek in his hand as Captain Wilhelm sat across from him. The look on the captain’s face was smug while Keith looked like he wanted to be any place else. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t try to rescue my damanuer in distress?

“This is the fourth strike against you. If not for Shiro, you’d have been kicked out of here months ago. You need to learn to reign yourself in. A hot temper like that won’t get you out of the academy. Pull your shit together…” Captain Wilhelm never knows how loud he is. He practically echoes through the courtyard. It’s just that other students are polite enough to look away, well, at least when they see me stand. Several of them scurry out of the courtyard entirely when I’m within a reasonable hearing distance of the captain and Keith. 

“Yeah. Sure.” Keith strums his fingers against his jaw. The boredom across his face was palpable, not that he needs to try to look bored during one of these lectures. The captain always tries to sound smarter than he is, especially when he’s lecturing me. At least with Keith, he doesn’t use those long pedantic words, probably because he assumes Keith knows them all, so there’s no point in acting smarter. I know them all, too. 

“I mean it Keith. Ever since your father died it’s been one thing after another.” Instead he plays the dead dad card. What an asshole...only a huge jerk says that to someone whose dad died when they were a kid. 

“Then maybe you should take a hint and back off me.” I couldn’t see it, but I could almost feel the hairs on the back of Keith’s neck stand on end. I know mine are. My fist starts to clench at my side, too. If I could just whack this jerk over the back of the head, maybe he would leave him alone. I can’t, though. Keith would be pissed. Plus, the asshole outranks me.

“I can’t. You are unmatched in combat training and tactics. You could be the best offering to the rebel for-” Backpedaling now. Classic Wilhelm. I hate him so much. But Keith cuts him off before he could finish his sentence. 

“Sacrifice you mean.” Keith glares hard at the captain. “You can’t tell me you buy into all that bullshit, right?”

“Excuse me?” I strain to hear Keith’s response. 

“Never mind.” My chest falls a bit. I wonder if this is going to be the day. The day Keith lets him have it. He doesn’t trust the school. He doesn’t trust the system. I don’t blame him.

“You know it’s not possible right?” He asked me one night as he laid his head on my legs.

“Hm?” I answered. 

“We live on an Altean run colony. How the hell can they build a rebel army against them?” He said. 

“Well. Sometimes the best way to hide something is in plain sight.” I booped his nose to prove a point. The discussion ended there, but I knew he wasn’t satisfied. Just like how I feel now. I’d live for the day to see Keith rip Wilhelm apart. Nothing happens. Not today. 

I walk around from behind the captain. He jumps a little, as though he never heard me coming, but quickly covers it with a cough. I slide next to Keith and place my hand on his shoulder.

“Found you! Shiro is hunting you down!” All smiles. I make sure to look as innocent as possible, not that it’s obvious I was listening in on the entire conversation, but just to be safe. 

“H-he is?” Keith looks up at me. He has no idea either. He usually notices me coming. He must be really annoyed today. Or maybe he saw me coming, but has no idea why Shiro would be looking for him when Shiro is supposed to be setting up for his class. Keith knows his schedule better than anyone, even Adam.

“Yeah. He asked me to come get you.” I look right at the captain with a big smile on my lips. “And it sounds like your conversation is done, right?” I gently squeeze Keith’s shoulder, but my eyes never leave the captain’s smug face. I can stare a hole right through his stupid head if I want to. But I keep the smile on my face even as Keith stands and walks off in the direction of Shiro’s class. I wait until I’m sure he’s gone before I put my hands on the table in front of the captain and lean down. “You know, sir. It would be a real shame if the generals heard about you disciplining their star pupil for no reason. The whole courtyard did...”

“Excuse me?” His tone is haughty. It’s always haughty when he talks to me. Like he wants to make sure I don’t forget my rank, but I’m not the good student like Keith is. I’m not the top scoring in any of the tests, any of the physical exams, anything. Sure Keith has his attitude problems. He lashes out when the right buttons are pressed. But he’s the academy poster child for excellence. Me? I’m mediocre, and none of the adults understand why I’m still here. They fathom they can’t kick me out now because they’ll lose Keith if they do, and Shiro wants to keep us both here. Those higher ups will never go against Takashi Shirogane. Not after everything he does for the academy. 

“You heard me, Captain.” I put a little stress on the word, my voice dropping. Yeah. I know my place, but I know yours too. “Stop picking on Keith. Everyone’s starting to whisper about it. About how you’re jealous that a student is better than you.”

“Better than me?” A dark eyebrow lifted up to meet the edges of a fading hairline.

“Way better. You’ve seen his scores. He’s also a natural leader. His aptitude tests are through the roof.” I shrug and give the captain a sympathetic look. 

“You’re ridiculous.” 

“Am I? You know he has a position ready for him when he graduates. Don’t you?”

“What?” I see him stiffen, and my inner asshole does a backflip for joy!

“Rumor has it they’re going to replace you with him. Jealousy is an ugly look -sir-. You wouldn’t want the generals to think that you’re fazed by those rumors, would you? Why would they keep a bully of a captain?”

I grin but keep my eyes stern as I stand, leaving the man sputtering as I walk away with a slight skip in my step. 

“You did it again didn’t you?” Hunk shakes his head as I sit. Pidge just smirks. If she’s not keeping me around because of that old fifth grade debt, it’s at least for entertainment.

“Did what?”

“Captain Wilhelm looks like he wants to throw you off the roof. Again.”

“He picks on Keith too much.” I shrug. “And Again? He barely lifted me off the ground that time. And it was more of a push into a shrub.” I stand by the fact that I would never give such a prick the rights to a cool story like ‘I threw a student off a roof and got away with it.’ I have my pride.

“What did you dooooo?” Hunk groans. “If we all get punished…”

“We won’t. I just...told him some rumors.”

“Rumors?” Hunk asked.

“There are no rumors.” 

“Yet.” I smile and hop up again, spying my target. Jessica Biles. The human personification of a rumor mill. Just the woman I want. I stroll to the desk in front of her, flip the chair around backwards and cross my arms over the back of it. If I was going to give her the lowdown and dirty. I needed to look ready for business.. “Hey, Jess.”

“Yes Lance?” She turns her ungodly large hazel eyes up at me and bats them several times. Like she always does. Like she’s not aware that I have zero interest in anyone who isn’t Keith. 

So I lean in a little, like I don’t want anyone else to hear. Like this is going to be some huge secret that she might know about. Just Jess. She always goes for that kind of body language. That she’s the trusted one. That she’s the knowledgeable one. I’ve seen other students revere her for her status as queen gossip. Now I’m going to use it to my advantage. “I heard something today. Do you know if it’s true?”

“What?” Now she leans in, eyebrows lifting. She wants whatever information she thinks she can glean from my question. 

“When Keith graduates, the colonel is going to promote him immediately.” She arches a brow at me. Is it too unbelievable? I shouldn’t just leave it at that, right?. “I mean, Captain Wilhelm seems to be very concerned about it. You think they’re going to replace him?”

“Hm…” She sits back and crosses her arms. Okay. I’m in. She purses her lips, clearly trying to dissect my words. “I did hear Lieutenant Colonel Samson talking to Major Yen about Captain Wilhelm the other day. Something about how many discipline referrals he’s been making. Maybe that’s it.” She nods slowly, and I keep a straight face. “Interesting.” Bingo!

“Hey, if you hear anything will you tell me?” I smile at her. “I mean...It would be super cool if it’s true that Keith could get an instant promotion. My mom would be so happy. I would be really happy.” Laying it on thick for extra sincerity. My smile widens. Of course I’m asking because this is important to me and my family. There’s no way I would ask a baseless question to start a rumor. Or at least, no one will ever suspect me of that.

“Yeah. Yeah. Of course Lance.” She smiles back at me, batting her eyes again. I wink and move back to my seat. Mission accomplished.

“Aren’t you worried those stunts are going to get you in trouble?” Pidge sighs. “Keith is good and all, but he doesn’t have the best reputation these days.” A frown thins my lips. I know what she’s talking about. He has disciplinary issues. He doesn’t mingle with the rest of the class, and he all but ignores it when people try to reach out to him. Then there's the stuff about him and Shiro. I know it’s not true, but a knot builds in my gut whenever I hear the whispers. 

“I’m not too worried. A soldier is a soldier. Keith is a soldier.” I wave my hand at her as if that would stop her questioning. It doesn’t. It never does.

“Not really.” Pidge counters me. “A soldier knows how to fall in line. Keith doesn’t. You obey the rules far better than he does and can actually make it through a school day without disappearing.” I shrug and wave off Pidge’s concern. 

“Keith’s just that good though. Who wouldn’t want him on their team?” 

“Lance, just be smart about this. Keep your eyes open.” Hunk sits beside Pidge. 

“Ugh. Not you too Hunk. Come on.” 

“No, really. I don’t know what it is but something doesn’t feel right. Ya know?” My frown deepens. I know what they’re alluding to, but I never spend time dwelling on it. My life is figured out. I’m going to be with Keith. We’ll have a family, and I’ll get to ride on the coattails of my husband’s illustrious career. 

Of course I plan to pull my weight. I’ll stay on as an instructor here and be able and stay with the kids. It’s how Adam and Shiro figured it out. Well they don’t have kids, but not everyone has to make the same choices to get their happy ending! 

“You guys worry too much.” I steal some food from Pidge’s ignored tray, popping a tiny tomato into my mouth. “It’s going to be fine. And even better after tonight.” 

The two of them share a glance, silently asking the other who would ask first. Hunk got the short straw.

“What happens tonight?” 

“Just stuff.” I shrug and steal some more of Pidge’s food. “We were...getting close last night before we got interrupted, and..”

“Nope. Stop. Gross.” Pidge makes an X with her arms and shakes her head. “No one wants to know anything else. Done.” She takes her plate out of my reach and snorts. “Ugh. It’s going to take a month to wipe the mental image from my mind.”

“Whaaaaat?” I smile innocently and sit back in my chair, eyeing the door for Keith. He should be back from Shiro’s room any minute. And there he is. Frumpy and gorgeous as he stomps over to my desk. My smile grows wider..

“Shiro was not looking for me!” The accusation in his voice wounds me, and I place a hand over my chest to feign injury.

“Keith, babe. You wound me. Would I lie to you?” I lean toward him.

“Yes.” He sighs. “Jerk.” He’s actually annoyed, so I back off teasing him.

“I know,” I admit. “but how else was I supposed to help you? That guy was railing into you pretty hard.” I grin at him. “It worked, didn’t it?”

Keith folds his arms and harrumphs as he turns his head off to the side. I hear his tail tapping on the ground and do all I can not to be smug. I find solace in our routine. He typically pouts when he feels forced to agree with me.So I wait. After a minute he just mutters a yes and sits down at his own desk. I rub his shoulder with a reach of my arm and any tension there melts away.

“...Thanks.”

“It’s what I do, kitten.” I wink at him, keeping the nickname sweet and private, and settle back for the lesson. 

At lunch we sat at our usual table the four of us across from each other with me next to Keith and in front of Pidge. 

“What was it about this time?” Hunk asks, making a show of pushing his food tray toward me. Hunks palate was more refined than mine and he is picky about the options he’ll put in his mouth. I’d eat a leaf if it had some salt slapped on it. 

“I dunno. Someone said a thing, that became a thing, and then became another thing. I’m unapproachable. I don’t work well with a team. I show off. I fight teachers. Blah blah blah.” Keith uses his fingers to list his points before waving them away with a bored flick of his wrist.

“All of those things are true, Keith.” Pidge sighs. 

“Well it’s not my fault!” Keith folds his arms across the table. “ The people in those training rooms; they’re just so… so…”

“Slow.” I offer.

“Slow! Yes. Thank you, Lance.” He nods toward me and continues as if I said nothing at all. “If I can do it better and faster on my own, why wouldn’t I?” Keith argues and my smile grows, unchecked. They are grooming Keith for some kind of leadership role and the guy has no idea. 

“Maybe that's kinda the point of the AP training,” Says Hunk, lacking conviction in his voice, ever the diplomat. 

“Well it’s a stupid point. Other people either get killed or get you killed.” Keith grumps and I can almost see his tail ticking behind him. He is so cute. I could squish him all day and not feel like I wasted my time.

“Still,” I place my hand against the broad of Keith’s back, fingers soothing right where the light hairline of his tail and spine start. I feel his shoulders slump toward me. My sweet lilac kitten. “The guy should learn to just leave Keith alone. He’s doing just fine with Shiro.”

“Ooooh listen to you.” Pidge smirks so wide it cocks her glasses to the side. “Saying something about Keith and Shiro in a sentence without spitting it between your teeth. You’ve grown up!” 

“I’m so proud.” Hunk mocks with a hand at his chest.

“Hey!” I swat at Hunk’s hand, though I don’t take my other one away from Keith’s back. “Shut up!” I mean, they know how I get jealous, and yeah, I’m jealous of Shiro, but I don’t actually think Keith would ever like him like that. I don’t think Keith sees him as anything more than a brother or mentor, though twelve-year-old me would punch current me for thinking it. Back then? I wasn’t as confident about it as I am now. Though now there are other problems. 

James, for one, who constantly seems to be watching Keith. Captain Dickhead. The new hand-to-hand combat trainer. The gaggle of girls that for some reason think Keith would even look at them. There are so many other people I worry about. 

“Plus Shiro has Adam.” I mutter, playing into their teasing. It makes Hunk laugh and pat me on the shoulder. Pidge just hmphs and fixes her glasses. “And there’s no way Adam would tolerate anything fishy! He tried to give me extra laps yesterday because I wasn’t as fast as everyone else...again.” I shrug. Adam isn’t mean. He likes me, I think. But when the higher-ups are watching, he’s always extra strict.

Keith looks at me. I’m pretty sure his ears are twitching, based on the way his lip moves and his brow knits in. “Again?”

“No biggie!” I laugh it off, as usual. “I just didn’t have it in me to run yesterday, so I jogged.” If I get too lazy, I’ll get pressured into leaving school again. If I’m too competent, they might watch me too much. Neither of those are good options. 

“Why?” Keith frowns at me. He hates that I play this part. Hunk and Pidge seem to hate it to an extent too, but neither of them know what Keith knows. Neither of them have seen me lift a fallen tree off one of the drains so the yard didn’t flood. Neither of them have seen me effortlessly pull the couch out so my mom could clean when my father and brothers couldn’t do it without help. But Keith knows why. And he knows he shouldn’t ask, but he always does anyway. Like he’s trying to prove a point.

I shrug. It’s not good enough, as indicated by his deepening frown and narrowing eyes. “I just didn’t want to run. I didn’t want to get sweaty.” Still not good enough, but his expression softens only momentarily. I’m sure Hunk and Pidge didn’t catch it. 

“Whatever,” Keith shrugs glancing around the room before he launches himself back against the chair. “Welp. I’m going to leave.” 

“What? It’s not even Half Day.” Hunk’s back straightens and then his tone becomes a whisper as if Keith were committing a crime.

“Yeah, but I’m bored. My next few classes aren’t that important.”

“Colony History and Earth War strategies?” I ask. Personally I enjoy those courses. Keith on the other hand...

“If I wanted to learn about fiction - I’m better off going home and reading a book.” I roll my eyes. Keith always had a book in his hand at home. Not unlike Pidge. His books are fantasy stories and scientific fairy tales. He looks for opportunities to get lost in a world apart from this one. Hers are tomes of scientific theories and formulas.

“Yeah. Those classes are irrelevant. I don’t know why they bother teaching it.” She chimes in.

“It's an approved curriculum.” Hunk countered Pidge.

“Approved by Colony leadership from the perspective of one person.” Keith pushes his chair out. “I don’t trust the vision of one man.” 

I look up at him and reach to touch his hand. I hate when he cuts class as much as he hates when I act like a mediocre idiot. “Where will you go then? If you go to the training rooms, they’ll just drag you back here. If you go home, that’s the first place they’ll check when they can’t find you on campus.”

He shrugs and touches my hand briefly before looking at the door again. 

I don’t really have a retort or an objection, so I drop my hand and he walks out the back door, silently, as the teacher walks in the door at the front of the room. Great.

Class goes by slower than normal. Always does when I can’t steal glances at Keith. When I can’t imagine his ears and tail perking or drooping depending on what we’re learning for the day. I pay attention, as I always do, and take extensive notes. This is what I’m good at. This is the only class where my grades lead the class instead of fall behind. This and shooting, but we haven’t had any gun drills since the last inspection. Something about ammunition supplies being cut, or budgets, or something. 

But as soon as class is over, I shove all of my books in my bag and grin at Hunk and Pidge. “See you tomorrow!” I yell as I’m already half out the door. I can be fast when I want to be, and now all I want to do is see Keith.

All I ever want to do is see Keith...I just...can’t anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

The Present  
Lance

The back of my head throbs, and I let out a groan. Mumbled voices echo in my ears, but I can’t make them out. It sounds like a lot of yelling. So much yelling and ringing. I try to lift my head, but a sharp pain shoots through it. I groan again.

I’m being lifted, carried. Large arms. That’s gotta be Hunk. I feel a cold hand on the back of my head. Small. Pidge. The ringing is still there, but the yelling stopped. They’re talking. I can recognize their voices now, but I can’t make out the words. Everything is garbled into a numbness. They don’t sound human. They sound monstrous. I’m sure my lip quirks up. Monsters. That's what we are. No, that's what I am. I find peace in the thought, oddly enough.

Black comes over me in a gentle wave. I don’t know for how long, because everything rushes back in a burst of light. I scream. Or at least I think I do.

I can’t move. I struggle, but nothing happens. I open my eyes and squint. It feels like I’m looking right into the sun. But when the brightness fades, I recognise the paneled ceiling of the infirmary. 

“Lance!” Pidge leans over my face and looks into my eyes. She’s checking for something, her nose scrunched up. “You idiot.”

“I mean, I’m the one who knocked him out.” Hunk’s voice sounds so far away. I turn my head a little, and he’s standing curled into himself in the corner, anxiously wringing his hands while trying to look anywhere but at me. One of his nervous ticks. Endearing on anyone but a soldier. They were a tell of weakness. A keyhole into the depths of what one was to keep private. “He” had so many tells like that. A lip bite. A shuffle of his foot. A tap of a tail. No! I won’t. I don’t want to go there. Not again. I jerk my head against the memories and the flash of pain wipes my mind clean like a baptismal fire.

“You had no choice.” Pidge said. “He was running right into them, like the moron he is.” She shook her head and checked the back of my head. “Idiot. You have to stop doing things like that. Does this hurt?” She pressed. I growl. “Okay. Yeah it does.” 

I look at Hunk again, trying to speak. Trying to tell him it’s fine, but I can only let out a strangled groan. He flinches and bows his head. “I’m so sorry, Lance…”

“Hunk. He’s fine. You didn’t crack his skull.”

“Sure sounded like it…”

“I’m telling you, you didn’t. You’re not supposed to be an idiot too.” Pidge snaps, but Hunk doesn’t flinch at her. She doesn’t scare him the way I do. 

“I…” I croak out and wince. 

“Stop.” Pidge carefully turns my head for me and stares down at me. “You’re going to sleep. You need to rest and heal more. No complaining.” 

No. I don’t want to. I open my mouth again, but she slaps her hand over it. There’s a split second where I think about licking it to gross her out, but that’s not likely to work. Not after everything. 

“Can you rest on your own, or do I need to help you?” She doesn’t really give me time to answer. I feel the prick of the needle in my arm, and then blackness comes again. 

\---

The Colony  
Lance - Age 17

It takes me about ten minutes to get home from training, throw my bag in my room, and run up the small hill to Keith’s house to see if he’s there. Sometimes he is. Sometimes he’s not. When he pulls his disappearing act, I always check here first. I get to the door, press my face and hand up to the window, and I can see his arm dropping from the edge of the couch, knuckles barely brushing the floor. I slowly open the door, wincing slightly at the squeak. If that doesn’t wake him up…

It doesn’t. Or he pretends it doesn’t. I’ll go along with it either way. 

I shut the door with a soft click and sit on the arm of the couch. I watch him for a moment, only a moment, he’s still wearing the watch, of course, but I just picture those lavender cheeks, faintly colored by the heat in his face. Reaching down, I brush his hair out of his face with a hook of my finger. He’s so soft and warm. Keith is an absolute furnace when he sleeps, well, all the time really. It’s kind of unfair. 

“Hey…” I whisper, my fingers sliding along his jaw. “Hey sleepyhead…”

“Nn.” He murmurs, his head turning toward my hand, and I try not to laugh at the smile twitching the corners of his lips as his nose twitches to catch my scent. He loves me. I know he does and I covet these moments where it’s unguarded and obvious. 

I look around the house, not sure what I’m expecting, but nothing has changed. It’s been three years since Tex died, and his coat still hangs by the door as though he only left this morning. The furniture is all the same. Clean. Keith isn’t one for clutter, but all the same. Every curtain, pillow, scrap of paper, everything frozen as it was that day. He made their home a time capsule. No. A tomb. Or a moratorium on life. I sigh. I love being alone with Keith, but for that to happen we have to come here, and the atmosphere of this house presses down on me. I’ve tried to talk to him, in a ‘real talk’ moment, but how do you tell someone how to mourn? Tex was everything to Keith. The only blood family he had. His protector against the Altean monsters who wanted to hurt him and take him away. 

Keith is fierce. He knows how to fight. He is fast. But if the Alteans really find out there is a Galra here? If they know this sweet perfect creature is nuzzling my hand in his sleep… what will they do to him? 

“Hnn. When did you get in?” Keith kisses my palm. I realize I am still stroking his face.

“A little while ago. I rushed all the way here, just because I couldn’t bear the thought of being away from you.” I add a little drama to my voice and Keith (ever the captive audience) chuckles. “Without you, I’m like a flower wilting in a desert. Alone. Forgotten.” My hand covers my chest, the other outstretched. A little flourish, and he’s laughing. Good. I love his laugh. It’s the best reward for any and all of my cheezy stunts. 

“Are you trying to tell me to get you wet?” Keith smirks, a glint in his eyes. 

“I’d never say something so ….” 

“Truthful?” Keith sits up with a stretch, and I watch his back curve.I wish for the thousandth time I could toss his watch across the room. I wish I could smash it into a million pieces and see the real Keith, but that Keith is mine. No one else is allowed to see him. 

“You make me sound like a pervert!”

“You are.” Keith continues with his tone dry. 

“Rude.” I cross my arms and pout. It’s time for pouting isn’t it? 

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing.” Keith turns his chin over his shoulder and those geode eyes glitter with gleeful mischief. I love his eyes. Aside from the fact that they’re the one part of him the watch can never change, his eyes are art. A galaxy shining amongst the distant stars. Ever sparkling. My stomach flips, and my mouth dries up. 

“I… am feeling a bit… parched. Now that you mention it.” 

He rolls his lip between his teeth at my words. It drives me crazy watching them plump and moisten as they slip from his fangs. I’m pretty sure he knows it drives me crazy. Why else would he do it whenever we’re alone, or whenever I’m watching, or, well, whenever he does it.

I lean in. It’s a quick kiss. I don’t want to make it too intense when I still have so much to tell him, but the soft press of his lips is like an oasis in the driest desert. He leans in, and I swear I hear some soft rumble in the back of his throat, but the moment is gone as soon as our lips part. “Better.”

“More.” Keith wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me down for another kiss, then another. I sink into him until my whole body is on the couch with him, pressed against him, feeling his heat radiating from him. “More…” I could lose myself in that heated embrace. Like flames licking my skin, but not burning me. Keith is the sun, and I’m the only one able to get close enough to touch him.

“Wait…” My hand rests on his chest, and I pull myself up a little. “I have to talk to you about something important.” Amethysts look up at me, shimmering. It takes all of my willpower to not cave back into him and kiss him again and again.

“It can’t possibly be more important than this.” He tries to pull me down again, but he can’t. He never can budge me when I don’t want to be budged. His eyes search my face, and he sinks back into the couch. He rolls those swelling lips between his teeth, his eyes flickering up at me. This little shit knows. He definitely knows what he’s doing. I take a deep breath and hold strong against one last tug. 

“Fine.” Keith flops his hand back against his chest and turns on his hip. I chuckle. He can be petulant when he wants to be. I wonder where he learned that.

“Oh come on. I’ll kiss you all you want after.” He perks, and his mood lightens. “Okay?” A nod and he flops back around to face me. I smile and tap his nose. “Good.”

“So what is it?”

The knot forms in my stomach, and I swallow audibly. “About us...and the future.” He smiles and wraps his arms around me again. His fingers curling into the hair at the back of my neck as if to tell me to calm down, to not be nervous. I can’t help it. I can never help it when it comes to serious stuff like this. But he looks at me patiently, and I swallow. “Well, you know how we’ll be eighteen soon…”

“Yeah…” The fingers slide into my hair, and I almost whimper. He knows damn well what he’s doing to me.

“So...My test scores came back yesterday.” The fingers in my hair freeze, but I keep talking. “They sent the compatibility list for the registry, and I want...no. I need you to help me pick.”

“What?” Keith’s arms drop away.

“I mean, I’m going to marry you, so you should have a say in who has the kids, right?”

“You’re...going through with it…” It’s like he’s forcing the words out, and the heat we just shared completely vanishes. “You still registered?”

“I didn’t...not yet. I just took the test. I told you…” I sit up. He sits up. My stomach churns. The way he’s looking at me, the frown on his lips, the disbelief in his eyes, but also something else. Something he’s never shown me before. Disgust.

“You registered. You had to register to take the test. That’s what registering is.” He explains as if I’m an idiot who had no idea what I’d done. “You knew my feelings about this. But you…” Keith narrows his eyes only a fraction. “You’re going through with it?”

“How else are we supposed to have kids?” 

“We can’t have kids. ‘I’ can’t have kids.” He states the obvious.

“Yeah. I know.” The expression on his face, like I slapped him. 

“So, you’ll have them with someone else?” He speaks brokenly. Like he’s trying to register what’s happening between each word he utters. His foot starts to tap on the floor. He’s anxious. His tail taps behind him. He’s also upset. 

“What other choice do we have? I mean it’s not going to be for a while but there’s things they gotta do. Like verify secondary tests and stuff.”

“Verify…” He bobs his head in a numb nod and locks his hands between his knees. “It’s not right Lance. We’ve talked about this.” His tapping foot shakes his whole frame, and he doesn’t seem to know if he wants to sit or stand or both. 

“Yeah like in concept. But not - like in regard to you and me. You know I want kids.” The fact isn’t new or secret. Neither is his disdain for the program, but Keith hates a lot of things about the colony. Like hating vegetables but still managing to have a favorite. And we never had a conversation about it. We need to have the conversation. I open my mouth to say more, but his expression stops me. 

“I- I thought… I was enough for you.” His voice came out so small. Broken. Trembling just slightly like a dam about to burst.

“You are! Oh Keith, you are enough. But I want more too. Ya know? I want to have family with you.” I feel like I’m struggling against the tide knowing there’s only one way this current can go. I still fight, but his look of ache sucks the breath out of me. I want to stop, but I can’t. I try to fight against everything I know. If only..

“I can’t give you that.” He says. “I’m not human and I don’t have a… I’m not something that can give you that.” His voice is soft, but there’s a hardness in his words. It makes needles form in my stomach. 

“I know. Keith…” I stand up and come around in front of him and kneel on the floor. I hold his folded hands between mine and I force him to look at me. “But we can still have a family. We can be together and have some kids.”

“We could adopt? Take some kids in-” He stares down at me. His eyes wide, imploring. Desperate. He’s begging me to save this moment. I don’t.

“I need to do my part.” Instead I cut him off. “I need to help the population too.” He knows I feel this way. He knows I want to do something good. I can’t do much else, but this is something even an idiot like me can do.

“You are falling for that bullshit?” Anger rises up in his voice. His fingers clutch my hands, squeezing. 

“Keith, it’s one of the only things I’ve ever been sure of my whole life.” He turns away from me but I can see the muscles tighten in his jaw. “What am I supposed to do?” I plead. His anger radiates. Like those solar flares, immensely hot and incredibly dark.

“You want me to pick a woman to fuck.” He somehow sounds so clear through gritted teeth.

“That’s not how this works.” I say, irritated. He knows better. He knows that’s not it at all. I don’t want to be with anyone but him. “I want you to pick who will have our kids - it’s not-” The glare he casts toward me strikes lightning fast with a shock of cold. Worse than a flare. He looks as though he wants to actually kill me. Like he can’t wait to rip my head off.

“Lance. We’re not the elite. They won’t waste the tech on us for artificial conception and they won’t risk a surrogate like that.” I hate when Keith talks this way. When he explains things I already know like I’m an idiot. 

“That might not be the case!” I argue.

“That’s always the case.” He counters.

“I can’t just not register!” I want to get through to him. I want him to see things from my side of this. “Unlike you, I don’t have the luxury of hiding.” I regret the words the second they come out of my mouth but I’m an idiot and won’t show it.

“The luxury of hiding?” The words come back at me; cold, hard, and eerily soft.

“That’s not what -”

“I know what you mean.” His tone remains even. Keith’s calm makes me uneasy. He’s giving me a chance to take it back. I brush it aside.

“It’s not an optional registry. All humans have to do it.” I expect him to mutter something about Shiro being the exception to the rule, and I had my next lines all picked out.

“I don’t have to.” He says, making me wary. I know he wouldn’t have to register. Shiro and Dr. Holt protected him from ever having to give a DNA sample in the first place. I take my hands back, and like an animal sensing a trap I venture forward with caution. 

“Of course not you. You’re going to go off and do hero shit with Shiro and be like him.” I tried to bring the conversation back around into something I was prepared for. The Shiro argument.

“That’s not the reason.” I arch a brow and listen to him. I knew I walked into a land mine a few moments ago but right now it felt more like a ticking time bomb. “Let me see them.”

“Huh?” I blink at him.

“Let me see your picks. Maybe I can try to. I mean it’s just a list of breeding stock right? I dunno maybe this place needs to have a purple baby running around.” I didn’t expect this level of irrationality. 

“Keith, you're being ridiculous.” I frown. He’s doing this on purpose. He’s mad at me, and he’s trying to rile me up even more. I shake my head. “You know that’s not how it works. You aren’t getting the test. It’s better that you don’t. They won’t find out…”

“Because I have the luxury of hiding?” He snaps. I wince. I can’t help it. “You think I’m being ridiculous. You think I’m not understanding what you want here.” He shakes his head and for a moment, just a moment the light flickers and I catch a ghost of my Galra boyfriend. 

“Lance I … I get it. I know you want kids more than anything. I -” I reach up to cup his face and he turns his head away from me. My hands hover in the air and with a sigh I pull them back. He’s punishing me. 

“I told you! I didn’t have a choice! Even if wanting kids wasn’t something I’ve been telling you about since we were kids, I’d still have to take it!” My shoulders sag, but I stay on the ground. “I thought you understood...I thought…” 

“I’m not good enough.” His face is still turned toward the window, watching my house, his eyes narrowed. The anger still pushes at me and makes me flinch, but his voice, if a breaking heart had an audible sound, it would be Keith’s voice in the moment he made his choice. I look up at him. Please don’t do this. Not this.

“I’m not what you need,” Keith continues, quiet, strained. “I can’t stomach you being with someone…”

Nope. I quickly interrupt him before he can continue down that path. “Of course you’re good enough!” I lean forward a little and clutch his hands. I don’t even notice how much mine are trembling as they fumble to curl around his. “You’re everything! Why else would I even ask you to pick?” His hands are clammy. “I don’t want to be with anyone else but you, but I want to give us kids…”

“You just don’t want a child like me.”

“We’re both guys! That’s all it is! It’s just making a baby. That’s all!” Why didn’t he understand that it has nothing to do with anything other than making another life? Why doesn’t he see that I he’s all I want, but I want to give him more than I can currently offer him?

“What?” Ice jabs into my hands, sending the chill up my arms and into my chest. 

I shake my head quickly. I don’t think I can get out of this now. I stepped in it again, but if I could just get him to listen...“It’s just...an act to make a baby. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like being with the person you want to be with!”

“It’s that easy for you?” Colder. Keith’s expression darkens. His frown becomes more firm, but his eyes stab into me like daggers. Anger, disgust, maybe even something I don’t want to put a name to.

“I mean, it’s just...an easy action to make a baby. It’s not hard to do that…” I don’t even think I believe it myself anymore. I don’t know why I’m still talking. I lost this a long time ago, and now I’m on the verge of losing even more. Like an idiot. I really am stupid. Everyone else is right about me. 

“Fine. Go fuck whoever you want.” He yanks his hands from mine. “Leave me out of it.”

I can’t help myself, and I reach up for my hands again. Desperate. I need him. “No, Keith…” but he smacks them away, hard. Harder than he’s ever touched me before. The sting cuts through my fingers. It aches even after. “It’s not...We’re not done…” Are we?

“No. We’re done. We’re so done.” He looks at me, but the tears rimming his eyes only indicate how much he doesn’t want to look at me right now. Maybe not ever again. He pushes off the couch and steps past me, towards his bedroom. 

“What are you doing? Where are you going?”

“I said we’re done, Lance.” No. If that means what I think it means…I can feel the knot form in my stomach and the lump in my throat. 

“Are you breaking up with me?” I jump to my feet and take a step after him. The floor creaks under my foot, and I wince. 

His back is to me, but his shoulders tense up. “I can’t be with you if you’re going to sleep with someone else. I can’t if the colony has you so twisted into it.” The colony. Always the damn colony.

“So...you’re breaking up with me? We’re not even…”

“Yes. I guess I am.” He clenches his fists at his side. He either wants to storm off or whirl around and clock me in the jaw. Maybe it would be better if he hit me. At least I could explain the gnawing feeling inside. 

“Are...you serious?” Something surges from my gut. He’s seriously dumping me. He’s seriously...ending it because of this? Not even taking the time to at least think so we can talk about it? I know he hates the program, but he loves kids. He loves...me.. I watch his back. He’s trembling. He’s so angry. I can practically hear his teeth grinding. He...doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want a family with me. I’m really the only one who thought we could be happy. I really believed we could work this out, but we can’t. We can’t be anything. We can’t..Fuck! I’m so stupid. How could I be so stupid? I did this, and now Keith hates me so much, he doesn’t love me anymore. 

The surge pushes like something I’ve never felt before. “Fine.” It comes out cold, curt, and I turn. “Have it your way, then.” I can’t be here. I can’t look at him. So I storm out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I hear one of the hinges snap, but fuck it. I don’t care. I can’t care. I can’t fix this. There’s nothing left. Keith doesn’t love me anymore.

And now he’s gone. Forever. There’s only emptiness that even the serum in the needles can’t fill. 


End file.
